The Power of Practice, Part 2

At the end of my previous post, I talked about the power of spiritual practice to transform.   This time, I’ll make it more personal, so that I can provide a concrete example for you. 

 I’ll begin what I’m about to share with two words…

 40 days.  

 That’s how long it took for me to learn how to be mindful, to meditate… to take a pause, as some refer to it.  I had tried on my own, many times, over many years – by sitting, willing my mind to “go blank”. But inevitably, I rarely made it through five minutes. 

 There came a time, several years ago, when I needed this practice called meditation to really work – at least work as I expected it to.  I found myself in the midst of stressful circumstances and needed to barricade myself against the winds of strong, negative emotions.  

 Appearing in my life’s path at that time was what I now call my spiritual home, my spiritual community.  And in this church was a class that met to support people’s meditation practices.  I joined, not knowing quite what to expect, but many years later, I’m still actively involved.

 A pivotal point came for me about four months into my first class.  We were asked to consider participation in a 40-day, 20-minute, daily meditation opportunity called Winter Feast for the Soul, promoted by an international organization across the globe each January.  

Wanting to finally establish a consistent practice, I said to myself, “I can do just about anything for 40 days.  I’m in.” Before long, an actual practice of meditation, of pausing took hold that did exactly what I originally wanted it to do. I felt more focused, calmer, and better able to weather the challenges that faced me each day.

 Fast forward a couple of years, with my practice well established, the group was once again presented with a 40-day meditation opportunity.  This time we were asked to create a sadhana, which, in summary, is a consistent, daily spiritual practice done with commitment and specific intention.  

 Over time, I had come to believe that as people develop spiritually, their practices begin to transform them, rather than serve as a means for them to escape circumstances or emotions.  I was experiencing this in my own life.  I no longer felt the need to escape my negative emotions, but instead to liberate something inside myself within that sacred pause.

I wanted to change qualities of my heart that were obstacles.  One of particular significance at the time was a lack of forgiveness – for two individuals in particular, for whom I had held grudges. Every time that familiar sense of resentfulness bubbled up, I was repelled and ashamed.  

In class we had learned something called the metta prayer, or loving-kindness meditation.  This meditation uses words, images, and feelings to evoke loving-kindness and friendliness toward oneself and others.  I decided it was a perfect fit for my sadhana.  

So I began the 40-day journey with a 20 minute loving-kindness meditation - first directed at myself, then focused on those I care about, followed by the individuals with whom I was struggling, and finally… for all of humanity. 

About 20 days in, I doubted whether this “metta thing” was actually “working”.  With gentleness, my wise teacher told me that loving kindness meditation is not a strategy for fixing something broken but is instead an unfolding experience of the heart that is already my true nature, the “inherent worth and dignity “ that my spiritual community talks about.

 In humbleness, I carried that wisdom with me for the remainder of the 40 days.

At the end of this period, a significant shift occurred internally for me.  The feelings of resentment diminished, and I found myself genuinely desiring happiness for the individuals for whom I had previously held disdain.  I also sensed a growing compassion for myself and a freedom from the guilt, shame and hurt.

 I continue to use this practice, and others, to help develop qualities of heart I want to embody, qualities that will positively impact myself and those around me.  Amazing, isn’t it, that a practice so simple could effect such important changes?  

My wish for you is that your spiritual practices, whatever they may be, will serve to transform as well – to create in you the person you want to be in the world.

Post Author: Anna Cuyler, Certified Spiritual Director